Disclaimer: Though my experience with sexuality education - generally speaking - goes across gay, straight and bi, when it comes to Leather BDSM overlays - I can only speak from a gay man’s point of view at the moment. Also, as with all things, there’s a lot of gray...
I’ve had a lot of people ask me why I identify with the leather bdsm sexual identity referred to as a “son.” And in light of the fantastic scenes I had over the last weekend and receiving one of the best compliments I have EVER received from a SIR while he beat me: “You’re one of the most honest boy I’ve ever met.” (Absolutely took my breath away.) I thought I’d dive into the subject of my sexual identity a bit...
First, very briefly, people need to understand the difference between sexuality and sexual identities.
Sexuality examples are: gay, straight, bi, kinky, vanilla, or specific sexual acts that are enjoyed. It’s broad or is considered group based and can be, and usually, multifaceted.
Sexual Identities are: top, bottom, versatile, SIR, boy, Daddy, Master, slave in the hetero community of 1940-1950’s “wife” and “husband” was considered a sexual identity as well. It’s more on a specific individual basis. A person could have multiple sexual identities - though, typically, you’ll naturally lean towards one.
Both sexuality and sexual identities develop, grow, change...and sometimes not.
A sexual identity will resonate with you, much like a career or hobby you love. Or even better - a great piece of clothing you found by accident. Once you try it on, you love it and never want to take it off.
When I entered the leather bdsm community full on, I had no idea what I was, what I enjoy and where I was to fit in. And honestly, still, I feel that way at times. Though, I feel I have more drive then before.
I remember being trained as a slave for the first time, and as much as I love - and will always love my Master - every time he referred to me as his slave I felt like crawling out of my skin. It didn’t resonate with me. THOUGH, what did resonate was signing a contract and wearing a full-time locked collar. One might think - maybe it was the Master. That thought had occurred to me. Until I was trained as a slave the second time and had the same reaction. Not only did the term make me feel uncomfortable - I couldn’t handle the level of responsibility a full-time slave has. When I was trained as a boy, it was enjoyable, and the term felt more natural, but wasn’t “formal” enough for me.
And though, I’ll never admit it verbally, I may - or MAY NOT (smirk) - make a lot of various puppy and doggie sounds in a scene. Though referring to be as a “puppy” doesn’t work for me either.
Ahhhh, but when someone said to me: “Maybe you’re a son.” I got hard and my mind paused. The dick never lies, right? We’d hit the jackpot. It has taken me many years to really understand the subtle differences between the identities. And to understand the whys.
A slave is owned.
A boy is dominated.
A puppy is trained.
A son is raised.
Ok, those more experienced in the community, breathe, relax, and before you send that flaming comment... I know pretty much all “bottoms”, “boys” (as umbrella term) go through being trained and dominated.
In my pending protocol book that the universe, as well as others, have almost demanded I write, I go into my philosophies around many of these concepts further as well as SIR sexual identities. So, for the time being, I just want to expand upon why “son” gets me hard.
I know this: When I was child I was so proud to be my Father’s son. I was all about my Father. Talked about him all the time, wanted his attention, wanted to make him proud, wanted him to be inspired and support him to be a better person, wanted to learn from him. And my Father did his best to protect and comfort me from many of the evils that were occurring in the house from my Mother. Certainly, my Father never called me: “son” as a title. Though when he said “This is MY son.” I was always felt proud. And I was incredibly loyal to my Father. He came first in my life, always, until I was about 27.
I’m sure on some deep core level, in a Freudian bull-shit psychological way, that situation feels comfortable and familiar to me. Though, trust me, I NEVER found my Father sexually attractive. Eww!
I enjoy the feeling of being owned, and my own person, and learning from someone wiser, and having skills/trades passed on, and inspiring and supporting someone to be a better man. That seems to resonate with “This is MY son.”
What’s difficult sometimes to accept is that by identifying with being a “son” and that I’m being raised / or will be raised is to realize I won’t be a son forever. I don’t know (yet) what I am to be raised into. When I earn that SIR cover will it be as a Daddy, Master, Handler or a general SIR? Instinctively, I feel I’ll eventually be a Daddy. I don’t think it’s completely my call and all I can do is keep my paws open and continue to see what happens.
The other difficulty is/will be finding a SIR(s) that can appreciate all this and hunger for the situation as much as I do - or close to it.
This also doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want to learn and play with other types of sexual identities or leatherfolk - far from it. It just means what I’d feel comfortable with (at the moment) on a full-time basis. What I tend to gravitate to, what I naturally lean towards. What gets me hard.
As a side note: No matter what your sexualities or sexual identities are, please avoid being a “stepford boy” or “Stepford SIR.” You know, mindless and going through the motions via some pre-programming of a porno or some internet story. Be real, be you/YOU. And discover who you/YOU are.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
pbxlthrman's journal
1 (16.7%)
relaxed
nostalgic